Sleep is a time for your body to relax and rejuvenate itself for the next day. It’s graceful and peaceful and pictureesque.
Except not for me.
Sleep is a time for me to be in about as much physical motion as I am awake. Let’s just say I’m like a weird zombie when I sleep. It’s probably one of my most embarrassing traits because I have no chance of controlling how weird it gets. At least when I’m awake and being a creep, I know it’s happening and can mitigate it. So with a bit of shame, here’s a list of things I’ve done in my sleep that are bizarre. And I’m sure it’s not an exhaustive list because someone has to be awake to tell me it’s happening for me to know it happened.
Let’s start off mildly and work our way to the extremes. When I was younger, I used to share a room with my sister, so we can thank her for the observations she’s collected over the years.
You sound like a beached whale.
Ahhhh, what a compliment. It takes me awhile every night to find a comfy way to lay, so as eloquently as my sister said it, I sound like a big dying fish out of water.
And if I couldn’t find that comfy way to lay, I’d shake my legs because I’d be getting annoyed that I could not fall asleep. So let’s call that my restless leg syndrome.
Then, I’d eventually fall asleep, wake up again, and convince myself that I had never slept at all. So then I’d go downstairs to tell my mom about it. Or better yet, I’d wake her up to tell her I wasn’t asleep.
But what can be even worse than that? Oh, just me sleepwalking downstairs. Then I’d wake up mid-way through some mumbles to my mom and get terribly freaked out.
Or I’d wake up sitting in my closet.
Or in the middle of the floor.
Or sitting in between me and my sisters bed on the shag rug.
And then it’d be really dark, so I’d just lay back down and sleep on the floor until it was light enough to be able to see my bed again.
So THANK GOD I stopped sleepwalking in my later years, but I’m not totally out of the woods yet. I’m still a creepy sleeper from time to time.
I talk in my sleep pretty regularly, and then have to remember to warn people that it’ll probably happen. I grind my teeth, and I’m somewhat convinced I snore a little when I sleep on my back.
And oh yeah, I dress and undress myself. For example, I like to sleep naked a lot. There’s just nothing like the feeling of sheets all over you. Anyways, if I go to bed naked, there’s a pretty good chance I’ll wake up with a shirt that I had put on at some point in the night.
And vice versa. Sometimes I wake up and I just so happened to be missing my shirt. Awesome.
But potentially the creepiest thing I have started doing is looking at my phone. This really should be a sign of the times. I shit you not, I’ve read and answered texts before. Nothing major, and most of the time I just instinctively read it and roll over, but this one time I looked at my phone and realized I sent a text saying “just don’t even worry about it,” to a statement that really did not deserve anything remotely similar to that response.
I no longer sleep with my phone within reach, but I wouldn’t put it past me that it can happen again.
So now that I’ve shared probably the trait that I have that freaks me out the most, who wants to have a sleepover?